Keep waking up at 4.30-5am. I can tell I’m unsettled – moving this month, see! After my move, it’s time to focus!!! All my energy, all my time before the good weather comes. “Grass will grow then.”
I have a funny feeling grass isn’t my life’s plan; don’t know, I can’t explain it, but I don’t think I came all this way to stay content with cutting grass for too many years. Who knows!!
If do, I don’t care really – clean toilets for a living, I would. Even that would be a privilege after my shit…..something only strokies would fully understand! Anything beats not moving!!
I set up the lawn-mowing business because I figured “How the hell am I gonna get 30 odd years of walking back In to my legs?” I would have to “Walk for a living!!” That’s when my mate D PAK offered me the mowing gear!!
And they say “there’s no God.” Hahaha. Yeah right!!! Signs can be there, I swear it – Well. I’ve seen ‘em a lot on this path from hell!
At the moment I Just feel I must get moving and train with all my focus; I can’t see past that, just can’t! Maybe I’m just needing it to heal my brain, to prove to myself once n for all “I can!”
The unknowing is unsettling, as all strokies suffer with, I think. The hope that we can win it back, that “It CAN be done!!” The need to see if I can push the boundaries further than I ever dreamed. I’m not sure what I’m capable of achieving, or maybe I’m just sick in the head! Hahaha. I guess I want to prove it to myself and to you followers too.
Just can’t put my finger on it! The need for more. This mission has been so long, I can’t remember the beginning. I’ll never forget completely, but it’s distorted now, like another life even!! I feel so clear now, look at videos and can’t BELIEVE it! Was that me? How did I get through?!! Become the man I had to be? I lost so much! I gained so much! I’ve almost come full circle now. But now the storm has passed or is “passing” I feel a new man – different, but strangely comfortable with who I am. I’ve finally come to like myself again.
Thank God I never stopped trying. The amount of walls I hit day after day, feeling I Just can’t do this!! Crying for years!!! Then on my own too!! Just never thought there could be an end. I’m not 100% yet – but you know what? I feel 120% better in the mind now – THAT I didn’t expect!!
So I plead with the followers that are out there reading this, “If you can’t see past the wall and you just don’t BELIEVE you can go on, that you’re just not strong enough! By holding on and just starting again in the morning is you winning!! ‘cos if you’re willing to try again the next day – and the next AND THE NEXT!! – you will one day look back with disbelief!”
Please, please never stop trying. It’s worth it!
I am a new Pete Coghlan and I’m pleased to know him!
YOU TOO WILL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN! I promise!!
Just never stop trying!