It’s late, I‘m having a few red wines and thinking about the last 10 years of my life: What I’ve had and what I’ve lost, the places I’ve been, all the wonderful people I’ve met. I suppose I’m drinking to say goodbye to a chapter in my life.
Surprisingly, I‘m feeling happy and at peace with myself, even excited about what I can achieve this year, where I might be this time next year – hopefully not 6 feet under but, if I am, it’s been nice, ok “thanks for reading”.
I was thinking about the shit I’ve had to deal with, wondering why am I not in a sodding asylum, sitting in a corner rocking, hearing voices! Hahaha ( I hear dead people!!)
I guess my sense of humour pulled me through; thank God I had one! They say you can go two ways with a stroke – Happy or angry.. Although there were times I was frustrated and angry, for the most part I was on the happy side. Feel like I’m back to myself now –you know, back to ME. I feel relaxed, wiser, more content than before. A little scared of the future maybe, but only because I thought it was over! I thought cancer was the downside of my life – stroke was not in my diary, you see! Hahaha!
All I wish for this year is peace. Just leave me alone!!!! Let me work out and finish what I started!! Something I need to stress to others following my progress – I have PUT THE TIME IN! That means trying many many hours a day for years: 16 hours a week in the pool for a while, hours just flapping my arm! Sounds daunting, I know, but you don’t wanna just do 1 hour for 10-20 years, do ya?
Hit it hard and regular and knock the b***** in half.
Eat well, avoid shit you can’t burn off (cakes n sugar) and try regularly.
Here’s what I’m talking about:
To squeeze hold of a pen took 1 month – hour every night just to hold a pen, man!!! Then lines of letters – letter ‘I’ for me, as it was easy; I ‘m talking about an A4 page full of ‘I’s’! Then a b, then a ‘c’ – pick a letter n practice like a school kid; after all your brain’s learning again, you’re growing muscles all over again. And just cos you can’t do something doesn’t mean you’ll never do it. Every time you try, a little signal is working.
Think of a muscle like a heartbeat deep inside your finger, a heartbeat that grows with every thought. Then one day it should start to move finger – just a millimetre at first but that’s all you need to know things are starting to kick in again! That’s what happened for me!
I thought and thought about pushing that finger along the surface it was on – or trying to touch my thumb with my finger as they were close – and it happened! I did try for hours n hours mind!
That’s what I mean about not rockin’ in a corner. I often can’t have fun anymore cos I’m too busy thinking about you locked-in people out there. I want to give you the answer – but the truth is, that’s what I did. Just keep trying, it must work!!!
Think this wine has gone to my head!! Only had 3 an’ all!!!! Embarrassing!! Some girl’s gonna take advantage of me!! Best be careful, ey !! Hahaha! Yeah, dream on Pete!!
I just wanted to say to all strokies out there (especially the younger folk): Don’t BELIEVE everything you’re told. I said it before and I’ll say it again – You were made a human, we are special, our brains are wired differently. We are the superior species!! Look at the world! Look at what we can do!! We are amazing!!!!!
If someone said, “Oh no! We’ll never get to the moon” and believed it, then that giant step for mankind would never have happened. Nor telephones or light or transplants or resuscitation or artificial insemination! We’re growing organs, for Pete’s Sake! And body parts!!!! If you told a doctor that 50 years ago……Hahahaha!
We are AMAZING!
We can do.
You can do.
BELIEVE in you!
With your will, your brain can twitch!
You just gotta keep trying.
Stare at it!!! Focus!!!
Talk to the brain in your finger,
“Come on you little tw*t, come on now!!
Move, you little ******
Just put the time in. It’s better than lying there waiting for something to happen, ey? Course it is!! Okay, it’ll make you mad but one day you might thank me!! Give it a try this year and let me know if it work. Tell me if you know a better way – we must share techniques. Lets come together n smash locked-in syndrome!!!!! SET PRISONERS FREE!
I wish you all the best this 2015 – May this be YOUR year!
Better stop drinking now, I get too passionate!! But then, I write better when I drink. May be I should be an alcoholic – Yep, definitely a good career move! I’d be a millionaire! A proper Billy Blue Hat writer – I haven’t got a clue really! Hahaha!
I just write cos it’s helps folk, I think. And, like I said, no one else listens to me -” just shut up and drink up, Pete!!!” Okay!!
There go the voices again!
Best go !!
See ya !