Aaaaarrhhhh bloody hand!! Release damn ya!!!
Bit angry this morning….well more tired and frustrated really; I get like this after big sessions in the gym. Last night I was buzzing , I had beaten my record on the cross trainer, so that was good. I felt like I was zoned out last night, on Planet “Open a tin of wup ass!”
I was raging!! On fire!! Well, for me! Pissing with sweat. I was thinking about this whole journey – “everything” – and was groaning to myself, “ When will it ever end?!! The more I thought about it, the more mad I got mad and the more I sweated!
This morning I feel so sore, so low….mind-frame’s not right. That’s why I’m writing – putting my thoughts down seems to help a lot.
I started punching my right hand before – Huh! As if that’s going to help, but it made me feel better for a whole second!! See my damn hand still has tone – something us strokies can understand. It stops you reaching for stuff or opening the hand fully, you see! “Soooo f’in annoying!” Sorry for swearing, but there’s no word for it – damn and blast just won’t cut it!!
I’m stretching a lot; half hour last night on the straps and I use my stimulus and try n go with it on fingers but it just won’t piss off . Tone!!!!
See, I’m not always positive; some days are a real struggle for me. Mentally I have to really fight. It’s soooo hard , especially when you’re dealing with other shit in your life too: Breakups, bills, money – you know? Life!!!
But after a stroke, those extra things when all you want to do is try n recover can be so head taxing!!
I am sick of cleaning now too. It’s been good to get my body going, but I think I need to retrain after Christmas. I really want to help now, you know!! Do something useful. After this journey I feel I must!! No longer living in a bubble, I now see the world so differently, ey. I am helping, but a career would be cool!
Gotta try n take it easy more, but I just can’t!! This obsession has me always pushing; I am so close – Well, close to WHAT? I’m walking, talking and grateful for that, but it’s got me now. The more I do the more I want!! Human nature, I think! AT least it’s better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself….that’s not gonna do jack shit!!
My attitude so far has worked. I think back sometimes to life before the stroke and though I wanna cry, I use it to get mad instead!! Good advice….
Use your emotions to drive you on. All the pain, the frustrations, the memories….
Use ‘em, use ‘em all!
I get angry and train, but don’t train too much like me – “Ouch!!” Oh well, feel a bit better now; whether you read this or not, I feel better!!
Best crack on!!!
See ya !