Love after locked-in. What went wrong?

The last thing I want to do is get maudlin over my break-up with Jade. But, for the benefit of other couples who’ve been devastated by stroke or other life-changing conditions, here’s what I believe went wrong for Jade and me.

It was NOT the actual illness which caused the problems; rather my obsession in getting fit again. Maybe I thought too much about the man I had become, a man focused on winning every  bit of my body back – to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Somewhere along the way, I lost my best friend.

Jade and I had become different people.  I wanted fitness all the time,and it had got hold of me. It felt so good , the serotonin was the best drug in the world (and I’ve tried a few in my murky past! Hahaha)

God sure did give us everything, Wow! We no longer had  much in common although we could have found a compromise, I’m sure). The locked-in fight had changed me. I didn’t wanna drink or smoke or go clubbing any more. I was happier on my phone talking to locked-in patients  around the globe and answering emails than sitting with my girl shooting the breeze.

To Jade, my passion to help others was bigger than my love for her. The stroke had taken me over completely, dictating how I ate, what I did, where I went. I felt it was my duty, my mission – God’s calling, some would say.

It’ll take a while to get used to not having her there. I keet remembering the little things she did for me. Preparing soft food for me when I first left Shents – boiled egg in a cup a particular favourite. Holding my hand on escalators until I gained confidence again, a decade full of memories. That’s why I’ve started writing again. It’s good for my mind and typing sure speeds up them fingers! Compared to my first book, I’m lightning!! Eat your heart out, Jessica Fletcher!!!

Shame I couldn’t have made the last 4 years better for Jade. We were always on the bread line – you know how it is some times. The funny thing is the week she left I started public speaking, addressing my first group of 125 Occupational Therapy students at Curtin University. It went really well too, as did the lecture I gave today at the Australian Aphasia Conference.

Jade would have been proud – but I guess if you don’t love the person any more then it doesn’t matter what they do. Of course, we said we’ll always be friends and after what we have been through how can we not be? I’m just glad she was there; it taught me something: Love is the most powerful thing in life, it’s true what they say, ey!!

Hope she’s happy.  I will never forget that love. Our 11 years 7 months together were amazing (tough still but amazing)

But I’m pretty happy enough typing my blogs and communicating with friends old and new.

Just hope my musing will be of benefit to readers!

8 thoughts on “Love after locked-in. What went wrong?

  1. there is a documentary on LIS being made in Milwaukee and Chicago. This 18 year old (was when he had his stroke) swimmer is taking the athletic approach to his LIS challenges. He still cannot speak except through the blinking board i think, but is writing stand-up comedy! Patrick Stein of Loyola High School

    My son described his LIS as ‘having the whole world in my head”—much like the idea i get from Patrick Stein. there is also a trailer of the documentary by Marquette University graduate on Vimeo and there is a Kickstarter account for the film. And Twitter account..

    Do you have a Kickstarter for your next book? I also think you would make an excellent TED talks presenter. I am trying to get Milwaukee Libraries to buy your book and will donate copies to the Minnesota hospitals that worked with my son.

    i like one of your you tube comments to encourage people to visit LIS. Although we are told our loved one is mentally all there, the great task of reconnecting paths to the brain is huge, and so up to misinterpretation. For example even low light disturbed my son and staff kept opening the shades though he asked (re talking) they be closed.

    Best wishes, Julie

    Liked by 1 person

    • Just seen this post now julie sorry
      Thanks for trying to get my book
      In the libry it’s great that people enjoy it and even better that it helps others
      It helped me too mentally as I refused any srinks hahaha
      Looking back I should have give em a chance
      But I am me , and lucky it had access to a laptop
      That pushed my arms and fingers day after day
      I remember deleating so many words
      My arms fell off the keys
      Had to prop them up for a while
      My story should be told I think
      As I BELIVE so many can get greater gains if they try as hard as they can
      Day after day a much time as they
      I still exhaust my self fully every day
      If I have energy left
      It must be used up
      Work every twitch
      Or feel for a twich below the skin
      And work it
      On ,,, off ,,, on ,,,,off
      Or up down up down
      Just cos you can’t see it doesn’t mean
      It’s not growing under the skin


  2. I’ve been a good friend of Pete since day one of high school . I’ve read his book time after time after time . Pete although you are on the other side of the world bro . I think of ya every day and I am proud to class you as a friend

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheers mate
      You read my book more times than me haha
      1 time was enough for me as it was to emotional
      Understandable really
      Glad we’re in contact fishy
      You’ll pop over 1 of these days o bet
      Take care of your self big guy k 👍
      And thanks buddy


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