The last thing I want to do is get maudlin over my break-up with Jade. But, for the benefit of other couples who’ve been devastated by stroke or other life-changing conditions, here’s what I believe went wrong for Jade and me.
It was NOT the actual illness which caused the problems; rather my obsession in getting fit again. Maybe I thought too much about the man I had become, a man focused on winning every bit of my body back – to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Somewhere along the way, I lost my best friend.
Jade and I had become different people. I wanted fitness all the time,and it had got hold of me. It felt so good , the serotonin was the best drug in the world (and I’ve tried a few in my murky past! Hahaha)
God sure did give us everything, Wow! We no longer had much in common although we could have found a compromise, I’m sure). The locked-in fight had changed me. I didn’t wanna drink or smoke or go clubbing any more. I was happier on my phone talking to locked-in patients around the globe and answering emails than sitting with my girl shooting the breeze.
To Jade, my passion to help others was bigger than my love for her. The stroke had taken me over completely, dictating how I ate, what I did, where I went. I felt it was my duty, my mission – God’s calling, some would say.
It’ll take a while to get used to not having her there. I keet remembering the little things she did for me. Preparing soft food for me when I first left Shents – boiled egg in a cup a particular favourite. Holding my hand on escalators until I gained confidence again, a decade full of memories. That’s why I’ve started writing again. It’s good for my mind and typing sure speeds up them fingers! Compared to my first book, I’m lightning!! Eat your heart out, Jessica Fletcher!!!
Shame I couldn’t have made the last 4 years better for Jade. We were always on the bread line – you know how it is some times. The funny thing is the week she left I started public speaking, addressing my first group of 125 Occupational Therapy students at Curtin University. It went really well too, as did the lecture I gave today at the Australian Aphasia Conference.
Jade would have been proud – but I guess if you don’t love the person any more then it doesn’t matter what they do. Of course, we said we’ll always be friends and after what we have been through how can we not be? I’m just glad she was there; it taught me something: Love is the most powerful thing in life, it’s true what they say, ey!!
Hope she’s happy. I will never forget that love. Our 11 years 7 months together were amazing (tough still but amazing)
But I’m pretty happy enough typing my blogs and communicating with friends old and new.
Just hope my musing will be of benefit to readers!