Thanks to Stinky Bum, at least I know my sense of smell is working

‘Cos I’ve been in a roller coaster of  emotions just recently, I had to do something to pull myself back to normality, so I arranged a meeting with Moira, a lady who’s been living with MS. I’m not sure exactly how long she said, but she’s suffered with it for some time now. On the positive side, it hasn’t stopped her holidaying. She’s been everywhere!

She asked about my Mauritius trip – turns out she’s stayed there 3 times! Then Africa; she’s going to New Zealand next!! There’s no stopping her! She was struggling a bit with the café, though – the noise. I could relate to that big time! Think her soft palate isn’t working; I could tell because she could only speak a few words per breath and it was exhausting for her!

I told her about my speechy David trying a swimmer’s nose clip on me, which helped a great deal, allowing my breath to travel only one way out of my mouth so I could get a few more words out. This was a pivotal point for me indeed! I hope it helps Moira too.

I also gave her the email address of Create Employment who find work for all kinds of sufferers. Bloody great company! As far as I know it’s only in the north of Perth but there’s bound to be more branches, I expect.

I had to tell a group of older ladies that I just wasn’t ready for a relationship yet: “It’s just too soon,” I said.

Love to help these days. Makes me feel useful again; just wish I could do it professionally. Maybe it’s not too late to train for something, ey?!! Then again, I know me. Hate studying. Give me a few thousand reps, I’ll do them no probs, but using the old grey matter is asking too much! I think it’s because I’d have to sit still for more than 5 minutes! Perhaps I should look at being a personal trainer? I don’t know – possibly a gigolo!! Especially now I’ve got the hip movement, Hahaha!!

At the moment, I’m sitting on my neighbour’s sofa tonight with two dogs and a cat called George. You might remember I mentioned Cat the ICU nurse? Well, she’s turned out to be a really good friend to me. Never had a girl mate before – it’s cool. Cat has had her fair share of shit too, so we can relate. She deals with a lot of death and tough situations in her job, which must be so hard. Some people just seem born to do a certain job. Don’t think mine was cleaning, somehow, but it’s good physio in the meantime ey?!!

Ooohhhhh shit!! What’s that smell?! These dogs get too many bones, I reckon!! My nose hair is on fire!! Dogs! Ya gotta love ‘em!!!

Better frame of mind tonight – think it calls for wine and dark chocolate the simple pleasures of life, ey!!

As for you, Stinky Bum (Gypsy), thanks mate!! No really, thanks!!! That was really special!!

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Alone But Not Afraid

I’ve not been writing as I wanted to the last day or so. I guess I’m dealing with things my way. Dealing with a broken relationship is hard – and the loss too. I wanna just forget but it ain’t that easy.
I’ve contacted the new Fiona Stanley Hospital to get back volunteering, something I really need to do. It’s so worthwhile, gives me great satisfaction and, as an added plus, I get to meet new people.
At the Hospital, they seem a bit unsure of who’s doing what, so I asked my old speech therapist David to help get the ball rolling.
I go on about my fitness a lot – all the dos and don’ts, what I’m trying to achieve and so on – mainly to help other fighters like me. But I guess it’s hiding my feelings  too. To be honest, I’ve felt very much alone this last week and yet, conversely, I appreciate having time on my own. Weird hey?
I deal with things my way, but that’s only because I can. If you need help , talk to your doctor, therapist or counsellor. I went to a counsellor once after recovering from cancer and it helped. Sometimes offloading to others makes a huge difference. I also write a  lot, which helps.
My mum (you can always count on mums, ey?) has just sent me an Eminem video – currently my absolute favourite song and so relevant right now!
I’M ALONE BUT NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!!
Anyone out there who’s going through a stroke or struggling to get by? Play this tune and just breathe!
We’ll be okay. Everything will be okay!
Music video by Eminem performing Not Afraid. (C) 2010 Aftermath Records

Now I see why bodybuilders do it!

Wow! I’m on fire right now, hitting it so hard night after night in my bedroom:

Knees to my chest, flapping my arms, circling them till they burn – just like we used to in karate. I feel this raw power running though my veins and am stronger than I have been since a lad….well close!!!

Eminem blasting in my ears, focused, pure-minded, adrenalin busting out of every pore; I’m mad yet in complete control. It’s unbelievable how your body can feel when you’re running it right – now I see why bodybuilders do it, a rush beyond comprehension.

I really think Jade leaving me was a blessing, giving me a sharp edge. Life does unfold in mysterious ways. Who knows what the Almighty has in store? You D Man! (And Danny, of course!!!)

No seriously,  I am deadly truthful here…..if you’re focused, TRULY FOCUSED, you can do anything! Be consistent, BELIEVE, put the time in!!! Okay, you may have to change to do it but, at the end, you’ll feel like God intended you to feel. Doing just enough in life will give you just enough! Put the time in and you’ll be surprised just how happy you’ll feel – HELL YER!!!!

Saw Rocky 3 again the other day. I was feeling a bit down, but I BELIEVE I was being given a sign: “Get back up! Don’t stop now, Pete – you’re not done yet!!! Get back up an fight, Lad!!!!”

Thanks God, I needed that!!!!!! As Rocky said to Clobber Lang (aka Mr T): “You ain’t so bad!!!!”

Hit me (go for it) I’m not done yet!!!

MY HEART’S STILL BEATING !!!

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Speaking of hearts…

Admittedly, I‘m a little too obsessed with my quest and  sometime feel that any new lady who comes across my blogs or book may run a mile! I mean I am not your average guy. A smile and a chat may be the start of something, then they check me out and think OMG!! What the…!!!
Truth is, I would like to love again one day!!

Military Motto: ADAPT! IMPROVISE! OVERCOME!

diet

Talk about obsession!!!!

I’ve listened and listened for years – physios, personal trainers, dieticians – and I have to say their advice is working. Not everything in my diet is on here, but this is what I’m living on mostly. Cheri, my personal trainer, said, “Eat brown pasta, Pete”. And the best thing she told me to eat before gym is (surprisingly) sweet potato! Wayne, my dietician from the late Shents rehab, told me to try and have 40g of whey protein before, during or after exercise – that’s most days for me!

It’s taking over my life, this need – I’m better off on my own, I think!!
Hahaha! It’d take a very special woman to put up with me, ey?
I don’t care anyway, I’m happy as I am just now – feeling great and that’s all I wanted.

It’s weird, but eating healthy is actually cheaper, nearly half the usual bill, which is good now there’s just myself to look after. Jade and I talk so there’s no problem there; she sounds happier too. Guess I was hard work Hahaha! Got a bit carried away!!!! (understatement!) But no one can possibly understand if they haven’t been through it. After cancer and a massive stroke, you’re gonna be worried; you want to move and feel like you used to, and I’m gonna give it everything.

That’s what soldiers do. Once you’re in the army you have to give it your all. I was never a tough nut but I never gave in, and always gave 100%! The same goes for all service men and women; they will always push to win!! I’m so thankful to the 22nd Cheshire regiment –  you helped shape the man I am today!! I didn’t always like it, but you taught me a valuable lesson:

ADAPT! IMPROVISE! OVERCOME !

I didn’t see why I was in the army. Now I can!! Discipline!!!!! I needed it!

(Picture shows me on active service with the 22nd Cheshire Regiment)

Army

Meditating in Mauritius with a glass (or 2) of Rosé

For a non-drinker I’m not doing too badly; I had a few glasses of rosé tonight – few too many, to tell the truth! This isn’t the best time to write, but what the hell! I’m on my last day here in Mauritius, which has been an awesome help to me in my recovery, not to mention dealing with my marriage break-up.
I’m drinking on my own, feeling quite comfy with myself as I sit next to the softly lapping waves with UB40 playing in the background, looking out at the lights around the coast, just thinking. Thinking about the shit run with Jade. Thinking about the great friends I have –
particularly my ICU friend who says she’s looking forward to seeing me. Nice to know I’m missed!
How hard these 4 years have been; oh, my head was mental mental Chicken oriental!!! Yet now, my life’s strangely at peace. After all the madness I feel I’m ME again; well a NEW me but happy with myself once more!!!
I like being single, for now I can plan my every minute with no questions asked. I don’t have to do the right thing anymore. It’s funny but I like it!!
Of course, I miss taking care of someone but I have equally missed doing my own thing, being me again. I don’t think I’d remarry although you never know. Life’s weird. All I know is that right now I have to think of me, to focus on keeping a roof over my head and not jump into another relationship too fast. I’m in danger of rebound. I need love, I know what I’m like. So I’ve gotta stay focused on stuff, keep busy. Dave said he was off getting a few pics and he never returned. Just left me sitting here like piffy! Glad he did in a way; time alone is good sometimes and the rosé was going down a little too well!
I was thinking that maybe the old Pete is coming back – maybe all I needed was time to get in control of my game, as long as I don’t do it every night.
I can start living again!
Think the secret is everything in moderation!! Eat healthily, train regularly, and check your blood and blood pressure now and then. A good balance.
I go home tomorrow ready for the next chapter of my life and, I must say, feeling optimistic for the first time in years. I pray God keeps me strong not only for myself but for others, and to help me keep on striding forward. I’ll keep putting the time in, of course, but I can enjoy life now as I think I have the balance right. 1/4 me 1/4 others, 1/4 work, 1/4 fun – and there may be space one day for another lady too!
Am I prattling now? Must be the rosé! Sorry, I could go on all night, talking about cod shit to strangers!
Yeah, Mauritius has helped a lot. I said to Danny (the bridegroom) “Just typical. You get married when I split up.” Bet I’ll get married again when he gets divorced (nhough I hope he won’t!)
Life’s mad. Men plan, God laughs, ey?

 

When Love Turns to Ashes

Sitting with my Mum the other night on the patio, having a cheeky wine or 4, we got talking, and I said to her (in my tipsy state): “Why do we bother getting married? What’s the point? All the years of memories, then Puff it’s gone!! Just like that!”

I said, “I don’t think I’ll bother again Mum,” to which she replied, “YOU WILL!!!”

She said, “If we didn’t bother at all we’d never have the memories that make life worth living. That’s why they say, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’”

She said, sometimes love just burns out. Both people can fall out of love, same as one or the other. That’s a pretty good way of explaining things, Mum!! Mentally that helped me a lot. Thanks Mum!!! Thank God for mums, ey?

Life experience taught her that too. I guess my mum n dad were a similar age too when they split up. People change; situations can change everything.

I’m glad we had this chat. I was a bit over women there for a while but, as she said, some girl will just come in to my life when I am not looking, I guess.

Reminds me of that song David Grey did (not “Sail Away”!! – been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the mug!!) I mean “This Year’s Loving Better Last”.

I think today we just move on too easily. In yesteryear, they tell me, it was looked down on if you left or gave up on your marriage. We are a throwaway world, I think.  May be this was all in the stars anyway – like my ex, Julianne. She and I struggled too after cancer – that took its toll for sure!

I don’t want any more shit now, please Lord. It’s not doing my love life much cop, mate!!!

I know it’s meant to make ya stronger – but any stronger, I’ll be bloody coffin nail, mate.

COME ON !!!!!!!

 

Danny! “YOU D MAN!”

Pete & Dan

So your big day has finally arrived!   

I am so happy to be here and to be given the honour of being your Best Man. If anyone had said to me 4 years ago when I was struggling to get a spoon to my mouth, that I’d be at your wedding here in Mauritius and feeling great!!! I’d have thought they were pissing in my pocket to make me feel better.

Danny, I am gonna speak today for you as best I can but, in case I don’t say it all the way I want to, I just wanna make sure in this blog:  

Danny you are like a brother to me and have been for 21 years! We’ve been the best tag team at chatting girls up in the Northern pubs. We’ve been in the worst punch ups. You have been through all my failed relationships, helped  me move from house to house  – even from bloody Wales! Remember leaving the flat in the middle of the night? Two or three trips down the motorway? 

You even put up with my oversized German Shepherd in your house, and your lovely wife-to-be Ange cooked for me.  We worked together, had some proper good laughs, we were little shits!!! How on earth don’t we get banged up……  

To see you get married to your one true love after 21 years makes me so happy. You may have taken your time but I have to say, you’ve certainl;y done it in style: Mauritius, a stunning tall blonde with the longest legs I know. 

You done all right Bro, I’m so proud of you, Danny!!! I’ll do another blog on your big day so I can show the world your beautiful woman and try and get my speech online – you and me in our wedding suits! Pretty damn handsome – and you don’t look so bad eiether! Hahahaha!

Good choice Ange!

Danny, thanks for always being there, Mate, through thick and thin.

You are the true definition of the word ‘friend’!!!!

I love ya Bro. 

Best of luck!